The Pick-Me-First Game & Marketplace Ministry
Which game are you playing?
The sides were even.I was the last first-grader standing in the playground waiting to be picked for a team. Someone had to choose me, didn’t they? The two team captains looked back and forth to each other and finally, one grumbled under his breath “I’ll take her.”
That’s when I realized it– I wasn’t good enough. Hating the humiliation, I decided that I would spend my life figuring out what I needed to do to be picked first.
It didn’t take long to figure out. In first grade, when I worked hard and got good grades, I was at least “picked first” by the teachers. In seventh grade, if I lost weight and wore the right clothes, I could get “picked first” by the guys. In the business world, when I exceeded quota, I won awards and recognition, getting “picked first”. Over the years, I’ve become successful at doing those things that got me “picked first.”
Now that I’m over 40, I realize that I’m tired of the pick-me-first game. I get accolades for my performance…. and inside still feel like the abandoned first grader standing in the middle of the playground begging for someone to choose me. In my quest to be “picked first,” I betray myself. I’m tired of it.
I’m stopping the game.
Are you also tired of the game, the game of desperately searching for the approval and acceptance of others?
Are you ready to take some steps to become more authentic? If yes, here are some steps to freedom.
Recognize that it’s a no-win scenario
There are no winners in the pick-me-first game. In fact, everyone’s a loser. You lose because you’re losing touch with who you REALLY are. Everyone you interact losses, because they don’t’ get to see your true inner beauty or receive the gift that only you can give them.
Know that you are not alone
In looking back through the lens for time, I realize that I never really was alone on that playground. In reality, the One who created me, who knit me together in my mother’s womb (Psalm 139) which loves me beyond measure—-that’s the one who is standing next to me on the playground. That’s the One who sees the real me…and loves me. That’s the One who sees the real you…and loves you. The God of the Universe has already picked you.
Celebrate your freedom
Start to do something every day that is uniquely you. Maybe it’s wearing that flashy set of earrings that you love…….but you thought people would think you’re weird. Maybe it’s taking that class you’ve always wanted to take but thought others would think it’s a waste of money. Maybe it’s…who know?!?
Find people where you can be authentic
Start to build relationship which people where you can know each other for who you REALLY are. Where you are loved whether you are laughing, crying, searching, or just being…..YOU! It’s in deep, authentic relationships where we can learn and grow.
It’s never too late to stop playing the game and start listening and loving who you really are. Each one of us in uniquely designed with a special gift to give to the world. Don’t wait for others to pick you. Do yourself a favor. Start the journey by picking yourself.
There are a couple of resources that have been extremely helpful to me. Check them out:
1. Waking the Dead by John Eldredge
2. Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul by John Eldredge
3. Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul by John Eldredge
4. Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
I’m looking forward to hearing from you!
“For updated insights, comment on Danita’s upcoming book manuscript, Letters to the King: The Journey of a Reluctant Christian Ambassador. If you need an upcoming speaker for an event, check out her speaking topics.
© Copyright 2009, Danita Bye Marketplace Ministers, All Rights Reserved.
The Easy Question, Difficult Problem & Rewarding Risk
Hope you enjoy this recount of a Bible delivery mission into Communist Europe in the summer of 1980. I’m interested in hearing about your Marketplace-Ministry adventures.
The Rewarding Risk
At 1 o’clock A.M., we tapped lightly on the door of their second-story apartment, hoping not to waken others in the building. As Yolonda and Yori
cautiously cracked open the door, we murmured, “We’re Americans…..with Bibles.” Delighted, they quietly and quickly opened the door to their tiny apartment, whispering their incredible story.
Only five days earlier, the Politzi swept through their community located seven miles from the Russian-Polish border, confiscating all Bibles and Christian literature and setting the pile ablaze. All that remained was a charred hole in the middle to their church floor.
In 1980, I delivered Bibles to Christ-Followers in Communist Europe. For those who were part of Communist empire, it was illegal to share their Christian beliefs and heritage with their children, their family, their friends, or their neighbors without significant risk. They risked being ostracized from their communities, losing their job, imprisonment, or in some cases, their lives. Even accepting Bibles and Christian literature from Americans was illegal. Yolanda and Yuri were risking their lives for this miracle delivery that came on the heels of such destruction.
The Easy Question
More than 23 years later, the courage of Yolanda and Yori still inspires me–and challenges me. When reading of those persecuted around the world for following Jesus Christ, I often ask myself, “Danita, are you willing to die for your beliefs in Jesus Christ?” Without hesitation, I have responded, “Yes, absolutely! If I had to choose between renouncing my relationship with God through Jesus or face death, I would choice death. ”
The Difficult Problem
However, the follow-up question is more difficult for me to answer, “Am I willing to LIVE for my belief that God showed His love to the world through Jesus?” Am I willing to risk a friendship, when talking with a neighbor who’s having a personal crisis, to ask gently, “May I pray for you?” When I work with a client who’s lost all confidence because his business is failing, am I willing to risk the contract renewal to ask respectfully, “Where is God in all this?” When I sit across the restaurant table from a successful entrepreneur, am I willing to risk my reputation and ask encouragingly, “What’s your purpose, your calling, in life?” Am I willing to not only die for my beliefs: am I willing to LIVE my beliefs in my interactions with my family, friends, colleagues and clients?
The Rewarding Risk
The Apostle Paul in The Message says that considering all that God has done for us, “Take your everyday, ordinary day—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life– and place it before God as an offering, a living sacrifice. (Romans 12: 1-2) ”
What’s an offering? What’s a sacrifice? Webster defines offering as “a gift or contribution” and sacrifice as “the act of giving up.” What’s the ancient writer saying to us? He’s encouraging us that as we talk with friends, meet with clients, lunch with colleagues and laugh with our families, that we “give up” our comfort zone and “offer” our lives as a gift by sharing God’s love, joy and peace.
For many of us, sharing our walk as a Christ Follower in an increasingly pluralistic, post-modern society is incredibly risky. It feels like we’re endangering our reputations, our sense of control, our self-adequacy, our friendships, our comfort, or our community. However, as we confront our fear, break through our comfort zone and embrace the risk, we will reap the rewards. The most satisfying reward is that every interaction is an opportunity to share God’s intense love.
Our lives are comfortable. In the midst of our comfort zones, are we willing to live a life of adventure and accept the challenge of Yolonda and Yori who risked everything for their walk with Christ? Are we willing to risk not only dying, but also living for our faith, every day? More pointedly, are we willing to risk our reputations, our fear of rejection, our comforts, or our prestige to walk with Jesus Christ as our leader every day in every interaction?
“For updated insights, comment on Danita’s upcoming book manuscript, Letters to the King: The Journey of a Reluctant Christian Ambassador. If you need an upcoming speaker for an event, check out her speaking topics.
© Copyright 2009, Danita Bye Marketplace Ministers, All Rights Reserved.
Is Fear Your Glass Ceiling?
The Secret Mission
In the summer of 1980, I delivered Bibles to Christ-Followers in Communist Europe with Slavic Gospel Association. At that time in history, it was illegal for believers behind the Iron Curtain to share their spiritual beliefs with their children, their family, their friends, or their neighbors without risk of losing their job, risk of imprisonment, or in some cases, their life. Being a devout follower of Christ, let alone a marketplace minister, was wrought
with risks!
In the midst of this oppression, I meet Yolanda and Yori. At midnight, under the cloak of darkness, I lightly tap on the door of their second-story apartment, hoping not to awaken the others in the building. The door cracks open slightly and we see two sets of eyes. We, myself and the others two on my team, whisper, “We’re Americans…. with Bibles.” The door flies open, their eyes twinkling with delight. Quickly and silently they pull us into their tiny apartment. We both know the situation is tenuous. We need to hurry in silence.
They are delighted! Only 5 days earlier, the Russian Politzi (police) sweep through their church, confiscating all Bibles, hymnals and Christian literature. The Politzi pile everything in the middle of their small church and set the pile ablaze. Now, we arrive with a replacement shipment. It’s a miracle!
The Courage
Three decades later, the courage of Yolanda and Yori continues to inspire me…and to haunt me.
I wonder, “How can they be so brave to risk their very lives for something they believe? And, I….I’m afraid to tell someone who’s having major personal catastrophe that I’ll pray for them. I’m afraid my friend will think I’m being too “pushy.” I’m afraid to read my Bible in public—people will think I’m a fanatic. I’m afraid to share the real story of my life, how Jesus Christ helped me triumph over depression and suicide…. because they might feel “uncomfortable” with my conviction. Fear is my glass ceiling that prevents me from being all that God creates me to be.
The Fear
The Bible speaks of one who is so afraid that in the crucible of the moment he even denies that he knew his best friend, Jesus. That’s what Peter does when he’s face-to-face with fear. Why? Why is he unable to stand strong under scrutiny?
More pointedly, what causes us to stumble and follow the path of least resistance?
I submit that it’s fear. Fear…. fear that others won’t accept us. Fear that others will think we’re weird. Fear that we’ll be wrong.
Sadly, psychologists say that fear is rooted in our very nature. It’s our natural instinct. In fact, there are nine main categories of core fears that act as glass ceilings, keeping us from our potential. They are as follows:
- Perfector: Fear of not being right, of being criticized.
- Carer: Fear of being rejected and not needed.
- Achiever: Fear of being rejected, a failure.
- Creator: Fear of being found inadequate or lacking.
- Observer: Fear of unpredictable emotions, of unfamiliar situations.
- Groupist: Fear of being abandoned or alone.
- Cheerer: Fear of discomfort of pain.
- Accepter: Fear of being alone, separated from other.
The Paradox
The paradox is that whatever we fear invariably comes to haunt us. For example, I worked with the Controller of a large clothing retail while working with Xerox Corporation. When evaluating equipment changes, this controller would work, rework, and rework the numbers to make certain he could cost-justify everything. So, he’d work for hours…to the nearest one-thousandths of a penny. Invariably when he sat down with his pass to review the info, the boss would say, “It looks like you’ve done your homework: are you certain this number of correct?” And, there would be the slight error! Ugggghhhhh! It’s a paradox!
The Choice
Remember Peter? What happens in Peter’s life so that he becomes a cornerstone of the movement of Christ followers; sacrificing every waking moment of his life to spread the Good News of Jesus?
He makes a choice.
And, everyday we make the choice also. Every day we are at a crossroads where we can choose to follow our own way or to follow God’s way. We can choose a course of action other than our natural “fear” tendency.
However, changing our behavior requires that we change a belief. We change our Fear Belief into a Confidence Belief that says, “I fear, honor and revere God only. I am completely His and am confident of His love for me.” “ Here are some quick steps to start cracking through your glass ceiling:
- Spend time reading the Bible. If you don’t know where to start, go to the Gospel of John.
- Learn that He is madly in love with you. Again, the Gospel of John is a great love letter to you.
- Obey that quiet voice that prompts you to share God’s love with others. It’s always okay to “love your neighbor as yourself.”
- Celebrate obedience. Success breeds success. Risk-taking breeds boldness.
- Take even bigger obedience risks. Risk-taking breeds boldness.
So, what’s your glass ceiling? How will you break through it?
“For updated insights, comment on Danita’s upcoming book manuscript, Letters to the King: The Journey of a Reluctant Christian Ambassador. If you need an upcoming speaker for an event, check out her speaking topics.
© Copyright 2009, Danita Bye Marketplace Ministers, All Rights Reserved.
Marketplace Minister’s Bank of Questions: Buddha
“Did you get the statue of Buddha state-side? Or, in your many travels around the world?” I curiously inquired.
In sharing our faith with gentleness and respect as I Peter 3:15 instructs, we must observing what’s important to our colleagues and coworkers. Steve, a client of mine, responded that he’d received the statue of Buddha as a gift from a friend who’d traveled to the Far East. I asked if he was Buddhist. He replied, “No. But…we all worship the same God anyway, so….it doesn’t really matter.” Sensing that God was opening the door, I asked about his spiritual heritage, which gave me an opportunity to Listen. With trust built, he then asked me about my spiritual journey.
Listening….and Observing what’s important to others builds bridges that open doors.
“But have reverence for Christ in your hearts, and honor him as Lord. Be ready at all times to answer anyone who asks you to explain the hope you have in you, but do it with gentleness and respect.” I Peter 3: 15
What questions are you asking with gentleness and respect?
“For updated insights, comment on Danita’s upcoming book manuscript, Letters to the King: The Journey of a Reluctant Christian Ambassador. If you need an upcoming speaker for an event, check out her speaking topics.
© Copyright 2009, Danita Bye Marketplace Ministers, All Rights Reserved.
“You can’t be serious, God?”
“You can’t be serious, God?” I asked shockingly.
But the quiet sense that I should speak to this man didn’t go away, “Speak to him. Ask him his story”.
Fearfully, I responded, “No way, God! He’s homeless. I’m alone. He could attack me!”
To my trepidation, I had this persistent sense, “Speak to him. Ask him his story.”
How many times do we hear the Holy Spirit quietly direct us speak to those around us…..and we back away in fear.
I’m reminded of God’s command to Joshua as he was about to move into unchartered territory, “Remember that I have command you to be determined and confident! Do not be afraid or discouraged, for I, the Lord your God, am with you wherever you go.”
Will you trust the prompting of the Holy Spirit, “be determined and confident,” and be willing to reach out to those in your world and share the love of Jesus Christ… even when you’re afraid?
“For updated insights, comment on Danita’s upcoming book manuscript, Letters to the King: The Journey of a Reluctant Christian Ambassador. If you need an upcoming speaker for an event, check out her speaking topics.
© Copyright 2009, Danita Bye Marketplace Ministers, All Rights Reserved.
Marketplace Minister’s Bank of Questions: What’s your story?
He was obviously homeless. But two things caught my eyes. First, his clothes were cleaned and pressed. Odd. Second, sitting crossed-legged on the
dirty sidewalk, his head hung down to his feet, he looked….broken.
For some odd reason. I knelt down, touched his knee and asked “What’s your story”? Shocked that anyone would touch him, let alone talk to him, he bolted upright. “What? What? What did you say?” Again I asked, “What’s your story?”
And, he began to tell his story of pain and heartache…
How often do we as workplace ministers encounter “homeless” people?
I submit that we do every day. Who is more homeless than someone who hasn’t found their creator, their true home?
Being surrounded by “homeless” people in our work, neighborhoods, churches every day, we have countless opportunities to ask, “What’s your story.”
Isn’t that what Jesus would do?
It’s a simple question…. with profound results.
“For updated insights, comment on Danita’s upcoming book manuscript, Letters to the King: The Journey of a Reluctant Christian Ambassador. If you need an upcoming speaker for an event, check out her speaking topics.
© Copyright 2009, Danita Bye Marketplace Ministers, All Rights Reserved.
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About Danita
Bold and Refreshing
Danita has a special gift of igniting others into action. Her skill and experience, partnered with ministry insight, makes Danita a powerful marketplace minister! Her sharp precision cuts right to the heart of business matters – assisting others in breaking new ground for Kingdom Advancement!- Rhonda M. Kalal, President
MN Christian Chamber of Commerce
Connects in Conversation
"Danita delivered a powerful, insightful and thought-provoking talk that dramatically kicked off the new semester with great success. She is a polished, professional and prepared speaker, yet connects with her audience as if she were having a conversation with a good friend. Thank you, Danita!"- Heather Lam
Communications & Marketing Director
Moms In Step, Woodridge Church
Medina, Minnesota